From Shame to Fame: Turning Life’s Toughest Emotion into Your Strongest Power (12)

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Shame is that uncomfortable feeling that tells us we are somehow not good enough. It is different from guilt, which is about what we did. Shame attacks who we think we are. It shows up when we believe we have failed, disappointed others, or simply not matched the invisible standards set by society. Sometimes it is earned through mistakes, but many times it is unfairly placed on us, even when our intentions and actions were right.

The trouble is that if you let shame move in and make itself at home, it quickly becomes a terrible houseguest. It lowers your energy, pulls down your consciousness, and before you know it, you are in a spiral of negative thoughts and feelings. It is like putting on noise-cancelling headphones tuned only to self-doubt. Progress feels distant, and opportunities slip by because you are stuck replaying the same mental soundtrack.

But shame might not the strong villain it first appears to be. When you step back and see it as just one of many emotions we will feel in our lives, it loses its power. It may be unpleasant, but it can also be the medicine that pushes us in the right direction. Sometimes the bravest move is to be a little shameless, as long as your intentions are honest. That shift from hiding to owning your story can be the start of a completely new future.

And here is where resilience is built. If your intentions are right and you face shame but learn to stand tall through it, you become unshakable. Very little can throw you off balance after that. This resilience is what sets the stage for real Fame, not the shallow kind measured in likes, but the deeper kind where people respect your strength and authenticity.

Look at The Pursuit of Happyness. Chris Gardner, played by Will Smith, endured moments that would break most people. Sleeping in a subway restroom with his son would make anyone feel humiliated. Yet instead of letting shame define him, he used it as fuel. His story proves that resilience through shame can lead not only to personal success but also to inspiring millions.

By learning to manage shame, you protect and even strengthen your mental health. You stop spiraling downward and start expanding upward. You gain perspective, clarity, and a stronger sense of self. That is the real prize.

So yes, your relationship with Shame can be the foundation of Fame. Not because shame feels good, but because overcoming it makes you ready for the spotlight that life has in store for you.

And while it might still feel a little taboo to talk about topics like shame, it is exactly these conversations that matter. Addressing them openly is how we strengthen individual mental health and move society forward in a positive direction.

❤️ASB

Who Is Listening? and why that might Not be the Point | Response vs Release (9)

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Every now and then, amidst a flurry of posts, conversations, and musings, I pause and wonder; who is actually listening?

We live in a world of digital amphitheatres. Thoughts are shared, reels are posted, opinions are floated. Some echo, some disappear into the ether and while we may not always admit it, there’s often an unspoken assumption that someone, somewhere is registering what we’ve said. Perhaps even forming a perception about us.

And yes, sometimes they are.

But here’s the question that’s become more interesting to me lately: even if they are listening… does it really matter in the way we think it does?

Cue The Truman Show.

Jim Carrey’s Truman is unknowingly the star of a 24/7 broadcast, with the world watching his every move. But the twist? Most of the viewers aren’t hanging onto his every word. They’re dipping in and out; Distracted, consuming rather than connecting. It’s theatre, not conversation.

That’s how a lot of spaces feel now ( Social and otherwise) . People hear what you say, but do they listen? And even when they do, their interpretation is shaped by their own filters; what mood they’re in, how their day’s going, whether they’ve had their coffee yet.

So when we share a thought, an idea, a bit of ourselves; how much of the impact we imagine is real, and how much is a narrative we’ve built because silence feels awkward?

I’ve come to realise something simple but freeing: sometimes, the person truly listening is the one speaking.

When I articulate a thought; whether in a post, a talk, or a coffee-fuelled ramble; it helps me refine my own thinking. It’s a chance to declutter the mind, process an emotion, find humour in a challenge, or make meaning out of a moment.

Sharing isn’t always about response. Sometimes it’s about release.

In a world addicted to metrics, reactions, and applause, there’s quiet power in putting something out there simply because it matters to you.

You don’t always need to be heard to find clarity.
You don’t always need validation to express something valuable.
And you certainly don’t need to perform to prove your presence.

If someone listens and finds resonance; great.
If not, it’s still served a purpose.
Because you listened, you showed up and you made space for your own voice.

And maybe that’s enough. Maybe that’s more than enough.

❤️ASB

Fork It, I Miss My Spoon: Choosing Authenticity over Acceptance, One Grain at a Time (8)

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Fluffy basmati rice, steam rising; a little dal pooling at the edges. Maybe a bit of pickle for the brave. That perfect bite, balanced, warm, slightly messy, lovingly scooped with a Spoon; Not stabbed with a Fork; Not chased around like you’re playing tag with your dinner.

That was my childhood in India. Rice and spoon were a team, they understood each other. Then I moved to the West, and somewhere between work lunches, dinner invites, and the occasional “Oh you still use a spoon?” look, I made the switch. I forked my rice; Badly!

Not because it worked better , but because it helped me fit in. Or at least felt like I was trying to.

That’s how it often starts; Small things. A spoon here, a phrase there. You adjust to blend in, you stop correcting people when they say your name wrong, you laugh politely at jokes you don’t find funny, you wear the neutral colours, speak the expected way. Slowly, without noticing, you trade little pieces of your authentic self for the comfort of belonging.

We’ve all done it. Sometimes it’s survival, sometimes it’s strategy but sometimes, it’s just habit. And after a while, you forget what eating with the spoon even felt like.

But here’s the twist. Fitting in is not the same as being seen.

Have you seen The Devil Wears Prada ? Andy starts out as herself. Unsure, curious, maybe a little out of place. Then she transforms. Sleek clothes, designer shoes, fluent in fashion speak. She fits in, but somewhere along the way, she loses her spark. She realises she’s no longer herself, just a high-functioning version of who she thought she needed to be. In the end, she walks away. Not out of rebellion, but out of clarity. She chooses authenticity over approval.

We don’t connect with perfect people. We connect with real ones. The ones who occasionally spill dal on their shirts or pronounce things differently or eat rice the “wrong” way. Because that’s what being human looks like.

So yes, I can use a fork. I’ve adapted. I know my way around a salad. But when I’m home, when it’s Rajma Chawal night, when the food means something, I reach for the spoon.

Not just because it works better but because it feels like me.

And maybe that’s the point. You can learn the rules, adapt when needed, and still keep the parts of you that matter. You can show up with your spoon in a world full of forks.

Because sometimes, the best way to fit in is by standing out ✨.

❤️ASB

Credibility isn’t a Costume. It’s your Own Skin! (4)

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We live in a world that’s constantly whispering in our ears… and by whispering, I mean yelling in 100 point font across social media posts and “10 things never to do if you want to be taken seriously” articles.

Don’t say this.
Never post that.
Avoid these phrases if you want to appear credible.

It’s like credibility has been turned into a checklist, a formula, a script. Smile just enough, speak just right, and for heaven’s sake, never let them see the real you because that might be too much.

Here’s the problem. The more you try to become what you think the world wants, the further you drift from who you actually are. And the further you drift, the more you sound like an AI-generated coach from 2025. Respectfully.

Now let’s take this idea to Hollywood. Remember The Greatest Showman? Hugh Jackman’s character, P.T. Barnum, spends most of the movie trying to impress high society. He wears the right clothes, says the right things, and courts the “credible” people. But in chasing their approval, he starts sidelining the very performers who made him special; the ones who were unapologetically different.

It all falls apart. Because in trying to gain credibility by being something he’s not, he loses connection, trust, and eventually, himself.

He does find his way back but only by embracing his authentic crew ; the bearded lady, the trapeze artists, the oddballs. And the moment he does? That’s when he truly becomes credible. Not because he ticks the boxes. But because he owns his story.

In real life, it’s the same. I’ve seen leaders who try to “present well” and end up sounding like a podcast with the playback speed set to 1.5x. ( Self included 😳) and I’ve seen people who speak with simple honesty and light up the room. No filters, no corporate gloss. Just truth, passion, and the courage to be seen.

Authenticity isn’t a vulnerability. It’s a superpower. Because when you speak from who you are, not from what you think people want to hear, you earn something no strategy can buy: trust.

So the next time someone tells you “never say this if you want to be credible,” pause and ask yourself ; is it really about the words, or is it about the intention behind them?

Because you can’t fake your way to being believable. People don’t trust perfect. They trust real.

Be you. Weird quirks, quiet confidence, chaotic brilliance, subtle disasters and all. It beats polished pretence any day.

Why are we not Content with all this Content In our Lives? (2)

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We live in an age of breathtaking abundance.

More knowledge at our fingertips than any generation before.
More possessions in our homes than we can use.
More digital content to consume than we can ever process.

And yet, many of us feel a persistent restlessness.

Despite being surrounded by content, we are often not content.

The last few decades taught us: More is better.

  • More books, podcasts, articles, reels to make us smarter.
  • More gadgets, clothes, and possessions to make us happier.
  • More experiences and options to make us fulfilled.

But somewhere along the way, more stopped adding and started overwhelming.

Instead of creating peace, it created pressure.
Instead of deepening satisfaction, it diluted meaning.

The real issue isn’t lack of input. It’s lack of intent.

We consume content endlessly, but rarely pause to ask:

  • Why am I reading this?
  • How does this help me?
  • What will I do differently?

Without intent, content becomes clutter ; both in our minds and in our lives.

The same applies to our possessions. The more we accumulate, the more we manage, the less we enjoy.

Accumulation is not the same as fulfillment.

In my work and life, my humble observations:

  • Progress comes not from collecting more, but mastering a few.
  • Insight comes not from reading more, but reflecting more.
  • Satisfaction comes not from acquiring more, but using what matters well.

When intent leads, content supports. When content leads, intent gets buried.

Perhaps true contentment comes not from abundance, but from alignment.

When what we know, own, and pursue aligns with who we are and what we value , that’s when content becomes contentment.

Am I on the Right Path? (1)

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It’s a question that comes back to haunt all of us at different stages of life, career, or business:

Sometimes it whispers. Sometimes it screams. And often, it creates unnecessary anxiety because somewhere deep inside, we’ve been conditioned to believe that the right path is a single, straight, unchanging road.

But what if that belief itself is flawed?

The Myth of the Fixed Path

We live in a world that idolises clear roadmaps.

  • Start here.
  • Do X.
  • Accomplish Y.
  • Reach Z.

Certainty is comforting. Predictability feels safe. But the reality of life, leadership, and enterprise rarely works this way.

Paths are not railway tracks.
They are more like rivers ; meandering, adaptive, shaped by the terrain they flow through.

Rigid attachment to a fixed path often leads to frustration when life throws up unforeseen bends. Industries evolve. Technologies disrupt. Personal priorities shift. Global events reshape the playing field. The destination you had in mind at the start might no longer even exist by the time you’re halfway there.

The path is simply how you’re trying to get there. And that can, and often should, change.

  • A business model might need pivoting.
  • A career trajectory may demand reinvention.
  • A product may evolve into a service.
  • A personal ambition may mature into something deeper.

Staying rigid on the path often closes doors that may actually be better suited to fulfilling your original desire.

Flexibility Is Not Failure

Too many people confuse flexibility with weakness.

They say:
“But if I change course, does it mean I failed?”

Not at all. Flexibility is a sign of intelligence. It reflects awareness, adaptability, and an ability to navigate reality rather than fight it.

In my own journey; whether building businesses, guiding leaders, holding public office or growing intellectually , I’ve seen that my intent stays largely consistent, but my methods evolve continuously.

  • The brands I build today are different from what I envisioned years ago.
  • The frameworks (PIFFLE®, Intentonomics ®, Route to Shopper ®, K.SA.R™) emerged as my understanding deepened.
  • The markets I serve expanded as opportunities unfolded.
  • Even my personal priorities shifted as life progressed.

The desire to build excellence, create impact, and help others strengthen their choices remains intact. But how I do it? That’s fluid by design.

The Real Danger: Quitting vs. Adapting

Let’s make one distinction very clear:

  • Changing direction is adaptation.
  • Giving up entirely is abandonment.

The danger isn’t that you’ll change direction ; the danger is that fear or pride will make you stop moving altogether.

Keep moving. Keep recalibrating. Hold the intent tightly, but hold the method lightly.

Excellence is not found in perfect plans.
Excellence is found in the intent to continue, adapt, and grow.

– Ankur Shiv Bhandari (ASB)

ASB honoured to be selected as a candidate for the University of Oxford Chancellor election – My Statement of Interest

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It is my utmost honour to have been on the shortlist of candidates selected for the University of Oxford Chancellor election that has been declared today. My best wishes to all the other candidates who are part of the process, may the best person win.

I am sharing below my “Statement of Interest” which captures the essence of why I feel I will be able to bring the required profoundness to the role. My humble request to all who will be voting in this election is to look at my “Statement of Interest” and select me as one of your top 5 choices at this stage if you feel my candidature can be worthy of consideration.

Ankur Shiv Bhandari Statement of Interest.

The key theme of my application and suitability for the role of the Chancellor of the University of Oxford is “AMPLE”.

University of Oxford has been a temple of learning, research, and a beacon of history over many centuries. As the University looks at the next 100 years, it is important to ensure there are “AMPLE” opportunities for maintaining and further building successful distinction at a local, national, and global level in:

  1. Interdisciplinary Innovation

  2. Cross-cultural Collaboration

  3. Research Excellence

  4. Individual learning

  5. Continuance of Tradition

  6. Academic Freedom

  7. Diversity and Inclusion

  8. Community Partnership

  9. Benefit to Society

  10. Sustainability

I believe my candidature provides “AMPLE” depth and strength to support the above:

A – Academic Curiosity: I have led my life gaining Academic qualifications across the world and then building professional competence based on that foundation. I have then used this knowledge to build both Academic and professional capability of individuals and organisations in both Academic and commercial settings in more than 50 countries. I hold a bachelor’s degree from India, an MBA from the United Kingdom, a Post Graduate Diploma in Academic practice and am in the process of obtaining a master’s degree in Law. I have worked with world’s leading organisations as both an employee and a consultant and have built a global business training individuals and organisations on “Excellence with Intent”. In Academia, I have taught both Graduate and Post Graduate students and have been involved in upholding the standards of Research Excellence through my work. My research on the “Role of Intent” is continuously progressing and the outputs include my TEDx talk on the subject and regular sharing of thoughts through the mouthpiece “Intentonomics”

M – Multi-cultural Appreciation and Approach: Having had the opportunity to live and work in multiple countries and to interact with people across almost every commercially active continent in the world gives me a deep appreciation of the distinction and synergies between different cultures. I pride myself on being able to assimilate different viewpoints and build consensus from those. My desire to understand a wide array of cultures has also led me to try and learn new and distinct languages including Chinese-Mandarin, Arabic, Spanish and Russian. This adds to the three languages I am already fluent in which include English, Hindi, and Punjabi. This will allow me to further ensure collaboration with global partners towards enhancing the reputation of the university.

P – Political Understanding: Having had the honour of being elected as the first ever Asian / Indian origin Mayor of Bracknell Forest, Berkshire in 2022-23 provided me with a deep insight into the inner workings of the political establishment. I believe it is important to have this understanding to anticipate and plan for potential impacts to the university.

L – Led by The Lord: All my efforts and my actions are inspired by an extremely strong appreciation of a divine power bigger than me or any living being. It might be Lord Shiva for me and another representation for someone from another faith. This reflects in all my actions and will continue to guide me. An instance where The Lord provided me with an opportunity to bring different faiths together was when during my Mayoral year, the Mayoral service was the first ever combined Christian- Hindu service. I was also blessed to have been able to play a role in bringing the first ever Hindu Temple and the first ever Islamic centre to Bracknell Forest and to have facilitated the start of discussions for the first Sikh Gurudwara. I believe The University of Oxford’s motto “Dominus Illuminatio Mea” already lives within me.

E- Evaluation Focus: I have a strong belief that if any effort is undertaken, a robust evaluation allows course-correction if required and lays the foundation for future success. One of the first teachings/learnings in my professional career was that “Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions”. If elected, I will continue to live by this principle.

It will the honour of my life to be able to serve as the Chancellor of Oxford University and I feel I am best suited for the role and to play a part in furthering the goals of this beloved institution. I hereby submit my candidature for your kind attention and reference.

Ankur Shiv Bhandari

For comparison, you can look at the Statement of Interest of other candidates here: https://www.ox.ac.uk/about/organisation/university-officers/chancellor/chancellor-election/candidate-statements

“A bend in the road is not the end of the road…Unless you fail to make the turn.” – Helen Keller

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“A bend in the road is not the end of the road…Unless you fail to make the turn.”- Helen Keller

This post is dedicated to all who might be looking at new options either because of recent job cuts or otherwise. There might be a few doubts creeping in, or you might be receiving undesired statements from the world. Nothing and no one can decide what your future looks like except YOU!

I came across a LinkedIn post from an individual some time ago where he listed down an array of demotivators thrown at him when he was trying to start a new life in a new Country, such as “You will not find a job in your field”, “You will not be able to have a senior position if you want to settle here”,” You will need to adjust your expectations downwards” etc. etc. He then proceeded to proudly share that “He was glad he only listened to himself” as he was now on the Board of Directors of a reputable organisation within that year.

I assume most of us have encountered such situations in our personal & professional lives where we are faced with similar statements/doubts expressed on capabilities. There can be one of three outcomes in such a situation:

1) Get demotivated/stop attempting

2) Not affected/carry on as planned

3) Challenge becomes a huge motivation/multiplies the effort.

In my personal experience, these have actually proved to be significant motivators to try to accomplish what has been stated as “can’t be done”. Granted that subject to the limits of science and the supernatural not everything will be possible but I hope you get my gist :-).

It was the year 1993; I had just given my year ten exams (sort of equivalent to GCSEs) and had about four months of holidays coming up. Although it has been quite common for 14+-year-olds to take up jobs in Europe, the Americas etc., in the Northern Indian town of Faridabad where I grew up, it was almost unheard of (the landscape has changed a bit over the last decade or so but still not common) due to multiple factors such as too young, family reputation, limited belief in capability etc.

However, in very simple terms, in my heart, I wanted to learn the value of money and expressed a desire to my family that I wanted to work. You guessed the response right…” You can’t do it”. So the third outcome, as above, “ Challenge becomes a huge motivation”, kicked in, and I tried to find a way. As luck would have it, I learned about a boy known to my family who had started going to Delhi as he had taken up a job there. I spoke to him and was told that he works for a toy company. Somehow convinced my father to accompany this boy called Happy for one day and see if it was something decent to be involved in.

As agreed with Happy, I reached his home the next day at 7:30 AM to go to Delhi with him. Not sure why, but surprise, surprise, he had left without me. Now definitely couldn’t just go back home and miss this golden chance, and in those days, there were no cell phones, so I couldn’t contact Happy either. I remembered Happy had told me that the company he works for is based in Delhi’s “East of Kailash “area and had shared the company name. Armed with these two pieces of information, without ever having travelled alone to Delhi and that too on Public transport, I headed for the old Faridabad train station(Google hadn’t graced our lives yet:-)). At the station enquired about the train stop I should get off at in Delhi to reach East of Kailash and learned about Okhla, my destination station for the day. Once I reached East of Kailash ( it was not a couple of blocks, more like a small town), I started enquiring about this Toy company, and after about an hour, luck smiled, and a phone shop( called STD/ISD booths in India) which this toy company used to route their long distance calls gave me their address.

Late morning, I arrived at A3-East of Kailash, which was originally a house but now had offices in the basement & ground floor and someone’s residence on the upper floors. The toy company’s office was in the basement. When I entered the office, my friend Happy was there and was suitably surprised. Anyway, I spoke to the boss and found out that this particular office employed people for door-to-door selling of their Soft toys and board games. They said they would give me a trial for a week, and I jumped on the chance.

So that day in April 1993, armed with around 20kgs of toys and games on my shoulder, with a desire to learn and motivated further by “You can’t do it”, at the grand age of 15, on the streets of South Delhi was my first day at work! The journey of a salesman had begun.

That day defined my life. I ended up working there for the remaining three months, and that is where my love for Sales was born. There are many other memories of knocking on doors, my first sale etc., which I might share in future posts. Since then, there had to be a component of work along with my studies, and I ended up working part-time all through my graduation in Sales roles.

Most of the time “You Can’t do it” challenge has worked positively for me as a motivator and as a catalyst to help push boundaries, get out of my comfort zone, etc., on multiple occasions. It is not surprising that the same must have played a considerable role in the lives of many people we have come to respect, such as Muhammad Ali, Nelson Mandela, Richard Branson etc., and must be a key ingredient in their success.

So next time someone says to you,” You can’t do it,”.. just say and feel “, That’s Wonderful!” Enjoy all the hairpins and bends the road of life presents and push on.

Bon Voyage

Ankur Shiv Bhandari

Aek Life- One Chance to Live: A perspective by Ankur Shiv Bhandari

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I think I heard while watching a TV series once, that the day we are born, the day we come into this world, the countdown starts of us leaving this world one day. This is the ultimate truth for everyone, it is just that the duration of our time here is different for every individual whether it is days, weeks, months, years, decades or maybe a century for some. Unless someone has a secret stash of Elixir hidden somewhere or until the fountain of youth is truly discovered, this is the reality of life. I would not call it a hard, rough or crude reality as is heard sometimes as whether it is hard and rough or smooth and enjoyable is to a great measure dependent on each one of us.

The undeniable fact is that this particular innings that we have is “One” or “Aek” composed of moments that might be of joy, sorrow, exhilaration, depression, wonder, surprise, enlightenment or just pure fun. An effort to live each of those moments fully is “Aek Life- One Chance to Live.”

I would like to think that I try to live my life with this principle of “Aek Life”. Yes, I cannot control everything and yes, I have many moments of despair, frustration and sometimes complete annoyance but as life has taken me on its rollercoaster , I have come to realise that it is not what happens to you that defines you or how you capture that as a moment of your life, rather it is how you respond to it that can largely result in the type of feeling you retain or the memory you capture. In my recent readings, I came across this Stoic’s prayer which I think helps me greatly and I try my best to incorporate it into my daily life. It goes like this: “ Dear God- Give me the Serenity to understand the things I cannot change, Give me the Courage to change the things I can and Give me the Wisdom to know the difference”

Through this medium of “Aek Life”, I will try to share my own experiences and thoughts on trying to live this “One” life as fully as we can, in spite of and with everything that this journey brings. Where possible and relevant, I will try to get others to join me in the conversation. I would welcome thoughts from all of you on your experiences and perspectives as well.

Life is not always what we want it to be, or let me rephrase, Life is not always how we think we want it to be. There are many mysteries which life reveals only at the right time and it might be that if you don’t get what you desire might be the best thing that happens to you. We will try to form perspectives on some of these mysteries as we go on this journey and try to augment every moment we have in this “ Aek life- One chance to Live”

Thank you

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Do what is right by your conscience,trying to match to everyone else’s definition will not work

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As we all enter a period of reflection over the holidays, it felt apt to share this. I feel that almost everyone starts with a strong moral compass and the ability to take right and fair decisions. This is refined over time by one’s experiences and education to help distinguish between right and wrong. The way human fabric works, we are able to absorb what comes our way in terms of information and make choices.

This compass gets corrupted when one tries to do things by the definitions imposed by others of what is right. Some examples being influences of religion, customs, peer pressure, society perceptions etc. In our hearts we all know what is the right thing to do but still do what others tell us is right. In many such situations in the end neither we are happy nor are the people whose direction we have followed as what is done is never enough. This can lead to a feeling of despair.

Follow your heart and feel the strength that provides you. Notice the burden of not doing what you really wanted to slowing drifting away!